One of the joys of my job is the unanticipated day at home. This gives me a chance to spend some quality time with my lovely wife. I know that she was genuinely saddened to remember that she had to go out all day. As she left, in a bit of a rush – she must have stubbed her toe or something judging by the swearwords – she laughingly told me to make myself useful. The lawn has been a bit of a bone of contention. She did not want one, saying that I was too lazy and useless to take care of it properly. It is true that it is a tad forlorn, lonely sad tufts in an otherwise barren expanse. As I pushed the mower around I was overcome with the realisation that this is how my barber must feel. But with slightly less chance of unexpected dog poo splatter.